Doggle Woggle in the Warner living room, 2016.

Conscientious Dog Owners, Bah! Humbug!

Time to pretend I’m a grumpy old man shaking my fist at kids who would so much as look at my perfect lawn … but, darn, those conscientious dog owners!

How dare they take their dogs out each day, giving them long strolls through the neighborhood? Who are these kind-hearted people who care about their pets? Have they been watching the Dog Whisperer or the Doggie Dominatrix?

And why are there so many of them?

They are mucking up MY dog-walking routine.

When I’m out and about with Doggle Woggle, he does a little freak-out dance when we meet other dogs. Well, it’s more like a giant, rip-my-arm-out-of-the-socket freak-out dance, so, in order to keep my arm, I am forced to alter my path to avoid meeting said dogs and their conscientious owners. I have been known to start down a block and do a complete about-face upon seeing another dog and owner coming our way. I have also scooted down alternate streets, greatly increasing the length of our walk in order to avoid a canine confrontation.

When we got our dog 6 years ago, I was often the only one out in the neighborhood with my dog, particularly in the winter. Now, even when it’s bitter cold, I’m running into those cursed conscientious dog owners. What is up with that? They’ve swiped my role and taken my streets! Bah! Humbug!

[grumble, grumble, grumble]

On the other hand, much better to perform out-maneuvering maneuvers around conscientious dog owners than to know they are keeping their pooches locked up inside houses. [sad face for all the dogs who don’t get out]

Plus, I can feel smug in having been at the beginning of a local dog-walking trend. [smirk]

And, in writing about conscientious dog owners, I have an excuse to share a photo of my pup. [mock outrage over]

Doggle Woggle in the Warner living room, 2016.
Doggle Woggle in the Warner living room, 2016.